I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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