I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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