Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He passed out mid-signature
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
