Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
