My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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