Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
