Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
