Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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