is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
