i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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