i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
