we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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