Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
