I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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