I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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