peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
