will power is for people who don't want to get laid
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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