i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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