On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
