You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
