hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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