You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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