Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
