Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
should my penis look like a turkey
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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