I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
two words: eviction party
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
