Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
