Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize