what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
