i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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