Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
