I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
