He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
