i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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