anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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