the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
