I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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