every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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