the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
