Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize