i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
