i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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