YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
