My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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