Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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