explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
