It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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