They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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