Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
