Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
