I am puke
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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