That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
