yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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