Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
