oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
