I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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