she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
