we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
