Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
