yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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