she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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