I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
