New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
