I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
