What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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