You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
