her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I want to be your penis for a week.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
